General Suggestions

General Suggestions For Parenting A Child With ADD/ADHD

by Edie Bradbury

1. Be Proactive--At a time when you are calm, and the kids are in bed, sit down and work out the rules of the house.

2.Thin down the rules. Many of the things that parents worry about or make rules about, tend to run their course as the child gets older. Bedwetting, for instance, virtually always goes away by the time the child is 12 or 13. Night time diapers are now available that look like regular underwear. There are other options as well. Another example, My grandson is ADHD. When he comes over, I do not want him ruining the nice furniture I have. But I also don't want to be correcting him all the time. So we simply take his shoes off when he is in the house. He can then stand or walk on the furniture with out getting it dirty or putting holes in it.( jumping on the furniture is still a no-no.) So take some time to really think through your rules and make sure you only keep the ones that are really necessary.

3.Keep it simple. When you are talking to your ADD child, assume that he is not tuned in. Make sure your have his attention before you tell him/her what you want. A good way to do this is to go to your child and take his/her face in your hands and get eye contact. Then keep it short and in simple language. Another way to get a child's attention is to call him/her over to you and to whisper in their ear. This is especially helpful when disciplining a child in public. Your child will want to hear what you are saying because it is like sharing a secret. He/she will be much more likely to tune in. As your child gets older, he will appreciate having been disciplined in private so to speak.

4.Use positive statements. Instead of saying something like Don't play with the silverware, say something like please put the silverware on the table. Then compliment, compliment, compliment. The most important thing to remember is to reward the behavior you want instead of disciplining the behavior you don't want.

5. Compromise and Negotiate with your child. Learn to make situations Win-Win instead of mommy wins and child loses. If a child wants to do something you don't want, for instance wanting to wear clothes you do not

want him/her to wear, find a way to compromise or negotiate. If it is really important that what you want be followed now, see if you can meet the child's needs at a later time. If it really isn't important for the child to meet your needs now, let him have his way, and earn a reward for your self, like if you do that now, I would like for you to do so and so for me at 5:00. This teaches your child the art of negotiation, let's him/her know that sometimes what he/she wants has a price, and teaches responsibility. If you negotiate with your child, make sure that s/he follows through with his/her part.

6. Token economies--If you are using a token economy with your child, make sure that it is set up so that the child actually gets something s/he wants. Often we end up setting them up so that the parents get what the

parents want. These will always fail. An ADD boy wanted a puppy. His mom was against it. But with help from a third party, it was set up that if the boy earned 1000 chips, he could have his puppy. It took him 6 months and two days to do it, but he did it, and he got his puppy.