Organizational Skills for Adults

This month a parent with ADD want help in organization skills around the house.

I am a 29 year old mother of 3 children...One month ago, I also was diagnosed with ADD...I did horrible in school, quit, and cannot keep my house up. People say, well you have 3 children, but I cannot do it. Can you give me any organization tips? I already ordered products from "GET ORGANIZED NOW". i hope it will help. I have never been able to keep our checkbook, I took accounting in college-I know how to, but can not finish. PLEASE HELP ME.

THANKS,

MARY

LISTS, LISTS, LISTS!

Make yourself a list for everything you need to get done in a day. Even include things like "take a shower", "read to the kids", "make supper", etc. Break everything down into steps: "1. Make dinner. 2.Set table. 3. Clear table. 4. Wash dishes. 5. Clear counter. 6. Sweep floor."

Make your lists on paper, and check things off when you are done. I know both my son who has ADHD and I get a sense of satisfaction being able to look at the list at the end of the day and see just how much we have accomplished.

Keep your lists realistic. Think about the things you know you do every day right now. Write them down and add two things that you know you should be able to do as well. Build from there until you have not only found a workable list, but you have established a routine that makes things easier.

Think about the week as a unit. Plan to do laundry Monday and Thursday, dust Wednesday, garbage out M-W-Sat, etc.

This is what works for us. I hope it gives you some useful ideas!

Rhiandra

First of all, DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. If your children are old enough have them take some responsibility with the house work. I have Two children at the age of 24, I have a 34hr week job and I go to school at night. if things like the dishes not being done don't bother you, don't worry about what other people think and say. You and your children are the ones who have to live in your house not them. I have had my 3yr old daughter help with the laundry. I put the wet clothes in the basket and she puts them in the dryer while I am filling up the machine. She gets a stamp or sticker of her choice for helping and at the end of the week we can get a movie or candy if she has enough stickers.

I have a basket for each person in our house. when the laundry is done, the clothes are separated into the hampers, the clothes are then put away. I confess they may not be folded, but kids stain their clothes everyday anyway what's a few wrinkles? Anyway she has her drawers with pictures on them (Polaroid) of what goes in what drawer. She also puts her brothers clothes away. (7mos old) Then when the basket is empty, we go in each room of the house, if it belongs to someone we put it in their basket and they take care of it. If it doesn't get taken care of, clothes don't get cleaned later in the week. This keeps some of the clutter sown and we have fun spending time together putting our stuff away. As far as your checkbook, see if your bank has a service on line for you. If they do just make a note to check it. I was a bank teller for 4 years and still have a hard time with my checkbook. I just don't want to mess with it.-It gets depressing sometimes. As long as you know how much $ you have and your checks clear you really are okay. Also for records and school stuff, those crates at Wal-mart are the perfect size for hanging folders. I color codes mine and labeled them for BILLS, TAX INFO, SCHOOL STUFF, DAYCARE, DOCTORS, INSURANCE, AND MISC. I hope this works for you. If you need to make a daily list of what needs to be done and use pictures for your kids if they can't read. Don't let your messy house get you upset, would you rather have a clean house or memory of your children happy? GOOD LUCK :)

When my son was FINALLY properly diagnosed with ADHD, I started researching every thing I could get my hands on at the public library. The main thing I saw was that he could not get up in the morning with clutter on the bar where he always laid his keys. We always had to have the bar completely clear or he could not find his keys although they may be right there. I also had to go into his room and clear all clutter off of the top of his dresser and night stand. I would suggest buying Rubbermaid containers at Wal-Mart for around $3 and put everything in them until you can get someone to help you organize. Get a Sharpie and write on the outside of the container what is in this. Throw away anything you have not used in a year. Put in containers and put things that are seasonal in the attic or a less used closet. I hope this helps you some what. My son is almost 26 years old, married with 2 precious little girls. He is a wrecker driver. This works for him, because he needs to be in a outdoor type job. Good luck and pray that God will give you the strength to get your life organized. He can see you through anything. Linda

I too am domestically challenged. I used to think that I was the only one in the world who had a hard time keeping my house clean. But guess what? There's a group of us (160,000+). Get on www.flylady.net to find out more. Marla Cilley. a.k.a. "Fly Lady" is one of us. Once hopelessly disorganized herself, she truly understands what it's like to be overwhelmed with housework and organization in general, and she helps you overcome every obstacle one baby step at a time. She has a free service where she sends daily e-mail reminders and testimonials of others who've turned their lives around. Be sure to read the Welcome letter so you know to delete most of the e-mails in the beginning and you don't get overwhelmed. If you give this a honest try, it will change your life just like it's changing mine.

I was 46 years old before they diagnosed mine, I am single and have a 12 year old son. It is fortunate that they were able to diagnose your problem, because once they do, you are on the way to a life filled with better functioning all around. Weren't you relieved when you were told?

You can buy yourself kit after kit (I did the tote thing), and they probably will get stacked with the objects that are supposed to go in them. The bottom line is that medication surely helps, but we also need a good coach or advocate, someone to help keep us going in the focused direction. Our focus changes so readily, we can work all day doing a bit of this and a bit of that, completely exhausted by the end of the day and not have a thing to show for it. (part of our problem is controlling that focus). Medication helps to sustain the focus after we are engaged in an activity, but first we have to get to that activity (this is where the coach or advocate helps). I am a great one for losing my keys, so I have to discipline myself into putting them in the same place, when I arrive home, sometimes I still forget, but it has gotten better. I couldn't follow a list, if my life depended on it. I can make one, and maybe get through the first task or so, but use one on a sustained basis? A pipe dream.

Some people think we are lazy. I would imagine that if you are engaged by another person in completing a task, as in volunteering at school, or working along side your husband to complete the lawn or the shopping, that you are one heck of a worker. I would also imagine that beneath the ADD (I don't have the hyperactivity either) their lies an extremely intelligent lady. We appear to be such airheads to everyone, and to us it is from the "outside, looking in" all the time. I know I have had ADD in one form or another for my entire life, but as I get older, the struggles with ADD have gotten more apparent, thus finally the diagnosis.

I have done quite a bit of reading on ADD and women. ADHD is far more recognized in boys as they mature, because they exhibit the hyperactivity asset to the disorder. Girl's daydream, or appear to be airheads and they have been allowed to slip through the educational as well as social cracks (no hyperactivity most times). The girls may go on to promiscuous activity (attention, isolated feeling of poor self worth, etc.) and more times than not have a tendency to float from one relationship to the next, as they mature (unless diagnosed and treated). Relationships with friends are not sustained very well either. They too may change jobs or professions often. The health world is just beginning to understand the effects that ADD has on girls/women. Like, they know that if you have ADD, your symptoms will probably become worse during that PMS time of the month, and that you probably struggle more over PMS than perhaps the average women might.

It is also not uncommon to have what the medical profession calls a co-morbidity. Meaning that you may also suffer with depression or any number of chemically based neurological problems that affect your day to day life. I am hoping that you have a physiatrist and counselor that you are comfortable with. Don't pretend medications are working if they are not, because you think they are supposed to. It is hit and miss with finding the right medication, or medications to help. Ask your husband or Mom or sister, someone that you don't think may also have the same genetic disposition, to help advocate for you or coach you. It maybe that they will need to do it for a short while, or it maybe that they may be called upon to do it for much longer. Though the major parts of our lives we have felt alone, nobody can get along through this on their own.

Get a house- keeper, I am still working on this one. It seems that I feel that it is my responsibility, and somehow I have failed because I can't keep up with it. I know that is not true. I like a clean home, my son deserves to grow up in one. I have no idea what your financial situation is, but about $25 to $30 every two weeks will help not only those you live with, but will allow you (and maybe them) to stop beating yourself up about it. Ask her/him about laundry tasks as well. Do your best to unclutter things. Simplify. Don't use a checkbook, trash it use cash and a money card (direct debit). Use direct account debit for as many bills as you possibly can. It seems that we are always apologizing for our shortcomings, like missed appointments, forgetting to pay a bill etc. If you can delegate responsibility of the tasks that never seem to get done, you can focus on raising your children, which is way more important than a dirty dish in the sink. It has to do with giving up some of the control of things, and that is difficult for anyone, but it really will make your life so much easier, you might even begin to like it.

I am praying for you, and your family, it affects everyone of them. I can't imagine facing raising three children and having to deal with ADD, but I have faith that you can do it. Don't go out of your way to do it, but keep an eye open for some of those traits appearing in your children. Heredity has much to do with it's basis.

Hello, I know this may sound crazy, but perhaps you might find the book "Sink Reflections" helpful. This is a lady who writes a very entertaining book that really did help our family to restore order to a chaotic lifestyle. I think you might enjoy it, and you can pick it up at nearly any library. Take care and best of luck!

John

I'm 42 years old with four children. I have suffered with ADD my whole life, but didn't realize that this is what I had until my son was diagnosed four years ago (my husband also has ADHD). I ended up with severe post partum depression around that time as well. I started taking 200 mg of 5-HTP (hydroxytryptophan) in the evening before retiring. This works on the neurotransmitter Seratonin and improved many of my symptoms within a week. I also increased my magnesium level, which works on the neurotransmitter Dopamine (this is the neurotransmitter that Ritalin works on), and have found that the combination keeps everything under control close to 100% of the time. Some things are still a struggle (especially housework), but there is an upside. I returned to work about 18 months ago, and many of the coping techniques I had developed over my life are now considerable strengths. I can multi-task like nobody's business and just received my second promotion since I started.

There are lots of good resources, but you are going to have to evaluate how things organize best for you. I have to make appointments for myself. For finances I keep a separate calendar and write down each bill as it comes in the mail. On Saturday morning I get up a couple of hours before the children. I log onto my bank and pull a current bank statement and compare it to my check log (make sure you use checks with carbon duplicates so you don't forget to write down an amount). I make sure everything balances for that week. Then I pay any bills that are due in the upcoming week.

On Sunday afternoon, after I have looked at the paper, I pull out the ads. I have created a menu sheet as an Excel program and I sit down and make a menu for the upcoming week using the ads. Then I print the menu and post it on my refrigerator. Every day I look to see what is on the menu for the day, and what is on tomorrow's in case I need to thaw something or prepare something ahead of time. I also make my shopping list, divided by section so that all the produce is listed together, all the dairy, canned goods, etc. I then go shopping on Monday. I do not take the children with me . I am distracted enough by all the products in the store. Another option is a home delivery services. We have one in our area that is rather expensive, but I searched a little more and found a small local store where you can shop for your groceries on-line. You pay by credit or debit card and they except manufacturer coupons and store coupons from their circular. You then tell them when you will pick up your groceries. For a small fee they do the shopping for you, then you just pull through the drive-through at the appointed time and they put the groceries in your car, and you drive away.

I have notebooks tucked all over the house; bathroom closet, laundry room, bedroom, kitchen. I have a "to purchase" list going in each one that I gather on Sunday afternoon and add to my grocery list. I also use these notebooks to make "to do" lists and to write down my wild ideas before they slip away (I also have a section of my planner at work for this.) When you have ADD you usually have some pretty creative ideas, and this way I have been able to capture them and put them to work. In my planner I have different sections for each family member, work, church, etc. I keep blank sheets in each section to make notes on. I have a list of books that I want to read and/or purchase and a list of movies that I would like to rent. Then, when I go to the video store I don't get distracted by every title and walk out empty handed because I can't remember what I wanted to see.

Permanent to do list that are laminated can be extremely helpful. You can check things off with a wipe off marker and do it again tomorrow. These work well for getting everything together for children going to school, going on a trip, or going to church.

Depending on your children's ages, have them start doing tasks. My eight-year-old, with a brief reminder, does his own laundry. I have three girls, a six-year-old and four-year-old twins. They all share a room. I kept wading through clothes and finally took out all of their dressers. In my laundry room I set up a wire cube system and labeled each cube, t-shirts, pants, underwear, etc. This has helped tremendously. Even though we have a clothes chute, I put a dirty clothes hamper in each bedroom. Now there is no excuse to not put them where they belong.

I decided to keep all of the laundry in the laundry room whenever possible. I contacted my local copy center and periodically get empty copy paper boxes from them. These I label with a gender, size and season, such as Girls, sz 4, fall and winter. As my older daughter grows out of her clothes, or my sister gives me hand me downs from my niece, or my best friend gives me clothes from her boys, everything goes right into the laundry room. There it is sorted. Everything that they currently fit goes into the laundry (since they won't wear clothes that don't "smell" right), everything that is for future wear goes into an appropriately labeled box. When a box is full I write "full" on the label, and it goes into our storage space in the attic, which now looks like a mini-warehouse. I also keep a clothes hamper lined with a 30 gallon plastic bag in my laundry room. When clothes have been outgrown I decide whether or not I would give them to my best friend. If not, they go in the trash, if the answer is yes, they go into the hamper. When the bag is full, I pull it out of the hamper and tie it up. It is then placed in a special spot by the garage door for the next charity that calls looking for donations. I keep a roll of trash bags on a shelf (a long with my notebook). This is a very convenient way to make clothing that children don't want to give up disappear quietly.

I also have laundry carts with divided compartments. Each compartment can actually hold about three loads of laundry. After I sort the laundry, I put each pile into a compartment. This keeps the laundry up off of the floor and I can move the carts around as needed. As each is emptied, it folds up fairly flat and can be stored behind the washer or dryer.

I also have cubbies, just like daycare, only mine are arranged three across and three vertically (like the "Hollywood Squares.") Each child has one for their shoes and another for their backpack (each cubby is labeled). There is an additional one for Mom's briefcase.

We have a split entry home with a fairly small entryway. In our front closet I put in hooks down at the children's level, three on either side of the closet. Even though I have to remind them sometimes, they now put their coats and snow pants in the closet and not all over the floor. I also put in a short, three shelf unit that is waterproof against another wall for boots and shoes.

I try to follow the old adage of "A place for everything and everything in its place." Then I label the places. I make signs either on my computer or by hand, such as "Susie's Backpack" "Susie's Shoes" "placemats" "napkins" etc. Then I cut them out and cover them with clear contact paper, leaving about a half inch of contact paper around the edge so that it can be stuck to furniture or the wall. This can be removed later without any damage to the finish. I have three children on medication, and sometimes my husband takes them to daycare. A permanent medication list is contact papered to our bathroom wall. This includes my husbands meds. Since he has ADHD he forgets them at times. All of my eight-year-old's drawers are labeled with what should go in them. "Sweatpants" "t-shirts" "underwear" etc. He has ADHD, so it benefits us both. Make everything easily accessible.

I have three different timers, each with a different sounding bell or buzzer. One is for laundry. I cannot hear my dryer go off when I am upstairs, so I set the timer for the length of the cycle. When it is done, I go downstairs and remove the laundry right away. I either hang it up on a garment rack or a fold it and put it in the appropriate cube or a laundry basket right then. This has eliminated a lot of ironing. The second timer is used when I do any baking or cooking that is timed. I can be doing laundry, baking and cleaning all at the same time, because when each bell goes off, I know what I need to do (kind of like Pavlov's Dogs). The third timer is general purpose and is used for timeouts with the children or to help them on their homework.

Each child has their own color or print of sheets. These are kept on a shelf in their room, not the never ending wasteland of the linen closet. I fold up the bottom sheet and pillow case and them fold them into the final fold of the top sheet for those going to my bedroom. This makes a nice neat package. My children do not have top sheets, since they kick them to the bottom of the bed anyway, and it is easier for them to make their beds if they only have a comforter and pillow to arrange.

I clean my bathroom while I am monitoring my younger children when they bathe. The toilet and mirror get cleaned on one child and the sink and floor with the second. I clean out the tub when they are done.

Have your children help you clear off the table when dinner is done, and have them help you put dishes in the dishwasher if you have one. Do this every night and your next morning will be less overwhelming.

Now the big problem, when I look at my messy living room, I become completely overwhelmed. So I developed this system: I start at one end and work toward the other. I take with me a paper bag for trash, a basket for dirty clothes and a basket for toys. I start with the floor first. All of the trash goes into the bag, all of the clothes go in their basket and all of the toys go in theirs. When the baskets are full I make a trip to the laundry chute and I go put the toys away (I have labeled tote boxes for each item; animal, transportation, doll house, etc.). I take a break every so often to read a few pages in a book or listen to some music. I set a timer for my break. Do not turn on the television or you will never get anything done. Once the floor is picked up, I vacuum, because it often doesn't stay clean long enough to do even that. Then I go to work on tables, couch and buffet, putting everything where it belongs. I try to get the children to help, and I give them instructions to pick up one thing at a time; legos, doll house furniture, stuffed animals, etc. I also give them breaks, usually accompanied by a snack or reward of some type.

I have a great deal further to go, like trying to get all of my paperwork filed, but I hope this helps some.

Mary

Having raised 3 children myself, I certainly can remember how frustrating it was to have piles of mail on every square inch of table and counter space and how inadequate I felt when I would forget a school event because I had laid the paper down in a pile I had yet to address.

There aren't easy answers and since you mentioned that you just recently were diagnosed with ADD, I'm assuming you found methods to compensate for the struggles you must have faced in school.

Lack of organization is no different than any disability. Focus, attention and patience will get you to a place of sanity faster than any quick fix. There are however a few rules to help you along the way.

1-Touch a paper once. Either file it, right the check and place in a file for mailing by week or read it-note dates on a calendar and toss. This will end most of the clutter.
2-Flip through the mail in front of the recycling bin and toss all
solicitations. Do NOT bring them into the house. No-you have not "won anything" and "This one's not for you".
3-If magazines or catalogs are piling up, cancel them-you can always plan an hour at the library with the kids, they can attend a story hour or read quietly at your side and you can enjoy that magazine. Not only will you enjoy the peace, but you'll model and instill a love of reading.
4-If you are considering keeping a great article or recipe-ask yourself, can I easily get this information again-with the internet the answer to this question is usually yes. If you can retrieve it-don't file it. We end up with so many articles and recopies that we can't seem to find them when we need them.
5-Get a calendar and schedule 2 things-time for just you to do something to pamper yourself and time to dedicate to finances. No less than 1/2 hour a day for you and 1 hour a week for finances and mail. Keep to the schedule. Treat it like a doctor's appointment.
6-Remember that children grow. Have fun with them and schedule time for clean up with them. They will learn how to be better organized and you will have the house you want.

Carole

1. Out of sight - dirty laundry in tall baskets in the closet or laundry room-don't leave clothes laying around in every room. Put a small light basketball hoop over the hamper in kids rooms.
2. Tackle only one room a day.
3. Big plastic containers with lids that are clear for papers, magazines, Christmas decorations, etc.
4. Put a clip board on the side the refrigerator for all the bills that haven't been paid.
5. Keep an extra $100 in the checking account. Have automatic transfers from savings to keep checks from bouncing. Have someone teach you how to do the checkbook or have someone else do it for you. (If you have a debit card instead of a credit card you will only be able to spend what you have.)
6. Clean out your car at the car wash and throw everything in the trunk! When you think of something you need to remember call your home phone and leave a message for yourself. Put a big note by the front door or on the visor of your car with a clothes pin.

There are many helpful websites that specialize in organizing and simplifying our lives. Just type in: organizational tips or simplify my life, and you will get a huge selection of sites that offer real practical advice. Good Luck! Terri

Hi, I'm the Mom of an ADHD child too. My first suggestion to you is to try and create a schedule and stick to it. I've learned that by having things (like homework time, meal time, free time) scheduled, it creates a calmer child. For some reason, when things are chaotic, it seems to cause them great anxiety. My son also takes medication. We tried all of the other options, such as homework modification, teacher and parent feedback daily. We worked at this for about 1 1/2 years, and it got to the point that he was starting to feel overwhelmed, he also started calling himself stupid. So, we found a psychiatrist who specialized in ADHD. He retested him, and then we discussed what our action would be. We gave the medication to our son, and we found him a counselor to speak with on a weekly basis. The medication didn't alter his behavior in any way, and he seems just like any other teen. The medicine just equalized his thinking. He saw his counselor for about 1 1/2 years. He sees his psychiatrist every other month, so we can discuss his progress. No, he doesn't make straight A's or B's, he does do his best though. I hope what I had to say was helpful. Good luck, Sharon