10 Ways

10 Tips To Start The School Year Off Positively

by Robin Maier MSW ACT

Robin Maier has ADD, is the parent of four children, three of which have ADD. She graduated from OFI as an ADD Coach and has an MSW. She has spent many years in education and is continually striving to find better ways to help families and those with either LD or ADD.

As I sit here writing this article, my first thought was to be the professional and write about the things we can all do to make the upcoming school year a great one, then I thought about parenting these children along with being an ADD Coach. I can't separate these two out completely without leaving some important idea out. As it is, I had to weed through my best ideas. I hope these will help you as much as they have myself, my clients, and my students.

First, learn to breathe......if you can't teach yourself how to take a step backward, and see life through another's eyes, your stress level will be greater. Wouldn't it be nice to have a life where stress doesn't rule our families and fun is allowed in to balance our days? Most people and children don't know where to start. It is my belief that we have to start at the beginning, learning to take a deep breath and allow ourselves to think calmly about what is not going right and then work on how positive changes can be

made. I know from experience it is not an easy task to become aware of when your stress level is climbing, and to walk away from that situation.

Ask for help. This is one of the most important steps any of us can take to ensure our happiness. We all get "stuck" doing something, but the choice is ours to ask for help to get beyond whatever it is that we find ourselves "stuck with". This may be a homework assignment, or a parent who has tried every trick in the book to help "this child find a different way to deal with _______" So many of us feel like failures if we can't "work it out ourselves". When you find yourself unable to get past any hurdle, don't stay frustrated, ask for help! The time wasted trying out figure out yet another "way to get it done", could be used for pleasurable activities instead. There are also so many "things" we just haven't learned yet, whether you are a student or a parent. Whenever you find yourself stuck, ask a teacher for help, find others who can. This may mean going to see another professional within the school or perhaps seeking outside intervention. As a parent, if one method is not working, ask until you find one that will help your family.

Prepare earlier than expected. Nothing is better( except perhaps that ice cream sundae) than the feeling of success, and of letting go of any pressure associated with a "deadline'. When a school assignment is due, perhaps setting an earlier due date will help. I know of two students who always hand in the project/paper due a day early. Once they tried this new technique, they were pleasantly surprised to see how their stress levels dropped. As one of them said, " if I had known about this trick, I would have saved these past two years stressing out and maybe adding some fun to my school time". Wouldn't you like to go through this upcoming school year having fun instead of feeling pressure so much of the time.

Work slowly and steadily BUT take breaks! There is nothing worse than looking at either a school project or cleaning "that room" when it all looms larger than life and grows each time you look at it. This may mean a few more days to complete a project. When working on that term paper, break the task down into smaller pieces and work on those one at a time. For example, if you can take that paper and

divide it up into "parts" it is easier to work on a section at a time rather than feeling overwhelmed by the entire paper to be completed in less than two weeks. Each time you finish a piece of the project, take a break and come back to the project later. Time will pass by quicker and far more productively than if you had put it on the bottom of " the pile" of things to get done and then realized two days before it is due.

Get organized! An organized person is far more productive than one who is spending precious time always "searching for that paper, thing etc". Don't you deserve to have more time to spend on activities you love instead of feeling hemmed in by "things we have to do?" Take a minute now and think of at least two areas of your life that could use organization. Might it be the school paraphernalia we all have to deal with, to perhaps it is your room, and/or space where you do homework. . If your desk is cluttered, then not only is it an unpleasant place to work, but can you find the pen you need to work with??? Or perhaps it is your backpack you need to clean up. Did you lose that assignment book again, thus upsetting your parents, your teachers and most importantly, yourself??? You can get past this! It can be easy. But first, you need to make a list of what you want to change and then tackle each item one by one. If this is hard for you, either find a buddy or find a professional who can work with you to make your life easier.

As a part of being organized, have a plan, for each day, each week and each month. Having a calendar handy is the best choice for many. Gerry Blais, an educator in Massachusetts, recommends having a calendar with large blocks mounted prominently. All upcoming school events, as well as deadlines should be on these calendar pages. Two months showing is maximum, otherwise it may become "busy looking" and overwhelming. This calendar is also the place to put sporting events, and after school activities. By planning in advance for each week, other arrangement such as after schools activities, jobs, etc. can be made well in advance.

Plan homework time. Having well thought-out plans saves times and allows a family to find those extra hours together in which to have fun and get out of the house. As I am writing this I remembered something that has worked like a charm in my house and perhaps will work for you. Each of my children is responsible for their own homework but I have allowed each child to tell me when it would be completed. For one child, she likes to do her work after a snack so that her night is free to relax while another wants to "hang out" for a while and then tackle work after dinner with the tv on. I don't

advocate the television being on but for some children it seems to work as if it is white noise. When my children were small, I had grandiose plans for them which included a snack after school and then "study hall". It worked for me so why not? Why not?? It was a disaster, and while I could have had an anxiety attack when the first child said "no", I did let her choose her own schedule and then held my breath!! . While my home is far from perfect, homework is not the main issue here as long as I have let each of my four but it is working. They agree before hand when they will do their work and pretty close to 95% of the time, it works. I have three of four children with ADD. It works with guidance but it is working.

Make time for yourself. Whether you are an adult or a young person, finding time that is just yours to enjoy whatever it is you love to do is something you deserve, but often, we don't find the time to do so. There will always be responsibilities to deal with, but if you know that there will be some "me time" it can make those household chores and homework less daunting. Go back to the monthly planner and take a look at when things are due for school, also make a plan for when those assignments can be "worked on" and also find time "to play".

And talking about finding those precious moments for yourself, plan some fun into your life. Too many of us forget that we deserve time to just have fun. This can be a family event or alone time. Perhaps a night out without the children is just what you have been thinking about. Again, this is all about balancing your time so that responsibilities' are done well and you have a life you love. If your child hates math, but does have those " two pages of homework" to complete, try talking about what you can do "after the homework is complete" so that your child knows there is something positive to look forward to when the work is complete.

Search for a person to support you in making new changes. Find a coach or another person in your life to help you with organization, and someone to push you on while you make positive changes during this new school year. If you and your child do not see "eye to eye" then an "outsider" may be the answer. If there is an adult that your child likes and respects, then see if that adult is willing to work with your child on a regularly scheduled time. Coaches are available to help you and your child work out "glitches " that

are getting in the way of happiness and success. Whomever you choose, they need to be available to work with your child and you on a regular schedule to learn new systems and support while the new changes become part of a daily routine. There are also coaches who work with the teachers directly and help to form a team for the child/family to minimize problems that may arise.