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Regular Features

THE PARENT COACH
Dr. Steven Richfield provides articles on many different aspects of raising a child with ADHD.                                   

ASK THE ADVOCATE
Each month we our advocate will be answering questions from our visitors about yours and your children's rights in the educational system.    

PARENTS TALK
A mother is trying to help her teenage son learn anger management.   

MOTIVATION TIPS
Five great ideas for motivation, including The Shoe Race, Trading Places and more.  

ORGANIZATION TIPS
Organize your child at home, and maybe find some tips that will help you as well.  

ADHD IN THE NEWS
Headlines about ADHD, Learning Disability and Mental Disorders

Study on ADD and TV
The recent study published on watching television between the ages of one and three and the possible link to ADD/ADHD did not take many considerations into account. The author of the study even admits that he cannot conclude that television watching and ADD/ADHD are linked.

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Parent Teacher Conferences

by EG Bailey

November signals the time that many of us meet with teachers for the annual parent teacher conference.  For many parents of children with ADD/ADHD this can be a mixed blessing.  On one hand, it is imperative to keep communication with teachers, your child’s education depends on your involvement.  On the other hand, for a child that struggles in school, the parent teacher conference becomes a dreaded evening.  One that will create stress in both yourself and your child. 

For many years, I spent an hour each November listening to the tirade of teachers.  Each year it was the same shopping list of problems:

In looking back, I could have made a recording of his first parent teacher conference and for years after, rather than subjecting all to another conference, could have played the same tape to myself each November.  The challenges of the classroom didn’t seem to change at all over the years.   The pain of spending time each meeting listening to all of his faults did not go away, and the dreaded anticipation was difficult on every family member. 

In evaluating what was happening, my husband and I would go to the meeting, listen to the problems the teachers were encountering, go home and try to solve them.  This would be done by punitive measures if he continued with the poor behavior (grounding, taking away privileges etc).  The results did not seem to change.  Our methods were not working, and each year we were given the same shopping list of problems to correct. 

It was time for a change.  I decided to change the momentum of the parent teacher conference.  Prior to going into the meeting, I made a list of my son’s weaknesses.  Most of the above list was included.   Before allowing the teacher to begin the list, I began.  I indicated that I knew all of my son’s weaknesses and rather than reiterating each of them, I wanted to spend the time planning measures that together the teacher and I could take in order to correct some of the weaknesses.  I declared this to be a brainstorming session, rather than a “bash the child” session. 

Together my husband and I had worked out some solutions to the above problems.  We had decided, rather than trying to create a “model” child overnight, we would instead take responsibility for several of the problem areas.  We would choose one or two areas in which to work toward improvement.  To do this, we needed the cooperation of the teachers.  Frequent communication was the biggest key to working in this way.  Organization of  school work, making sure homework was handed in, making sure work was brought home would be left to us and the teachers.  We had chosen to work on classroom behavior first.  Everything else on the list would need to wait until he had first managed to control his behavior. 

In setting up a program such as this with the teachers each year, I came across some opposition.  Some teachers let me know they did not think I was helping my son by taking on his responsibilities. Some teachers did not feel they should have to do extra for this one child.  Some felt I was treating him like a baby and that I was doing him more harm than good.  Some said they just didn’t have the time to do extra work for one child, that it took away from the other children.

In the early years, I let these comments influence my thinking.  Then one day, I stopped, and I realized that no one else knows my son as I do, no one else can see how hard he tries and no one else understands how difficult school can be for him.  It became important to me that I work in any way that I could to help him and improve his self esteem.  Taking a step backward, and choosing one or two behaviors per year to improve would provide much better results than asking him to become a “model” child overnight. 

For the past several years, I have had a Section 504 in place, making sure that I am prepared for the school year.  Before we begin review of the 504, my husband and I decide on the behavior/habit we would like to improve and work on this year.  The accommodations that are put into place will reflect our choices. 

I still sometimes receive opposition but it is not as often as I did previously.  Maybe they are beginning to understand me within the school district.  Maybe they know that if there is something I want for my son, I am not going to give up until I get it.  The day that I decided to change the momentum of the parent teacher conference was the day that I took back control of my son’s education, life and emotional well being.  It was the day that I started believing in my own ability to know what my son needed to succeed.  It was the day I stopped accepting what others wanted him to be and started believing in him. 

Letting the teachers and educators create a modification program can sometimes work.  There are many teachers that fully understand ADHD and all of it’s implications in the classroom.  There are many educators that care deeply about the children in their classrooms and are willing to go that extra mile to make sure that all of their students learn. 

But there are also teachers that do not understand ADHD, hyperactivity or other symptoms that come along with it.  These teachers sometimes define a child based on their chronological age.  In this thinking, each age has a set of skills that should be apparent.  When the skills are not apparent, your child is looked at as deficient in those areas.  Each of our children are different, with or without ADD/ADHD, each child develops skills at their own pace.  To determine where a child should be based on their chronological age is detrimental to the child.  Teachers that do not look at the child as an individual will be those that may oppose these tactics.

Hold your ground.  As a parent, it is you that knows exactly where your child is now and what areas need improvement.  Based on your child’s individualality, you can determine which areas need immediate action and which areas can be put off until a later time.  Helping your child with organization, homework and tests might be no different than providing a ramp for a child in a wheelchair. 

A few evenings ago, four years after we began taking back control of our son’s education and school work,  we had another parent-teacher conference.  This year’s shopping list was much simpler:

So we still have a few areas that need to be improved.   But every teacher’s comments this year included:

It was a much different experience.  We are still working on the losing homework, textbooks, and pens but overall we are very proud of the accomplishments that he has made.  Now we just need to decide if we should work on test taking or preparation this year.  (I think preparation might be the key to test taking too, so that might be the place to start.)   The teachers this year have been wonderful, willing to work with me to help my son succeed.  Together we can make a difference in the lives of our children.