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ADHD Health Library Updated videos and information on ADD/ADHD brought to you by Healthology.
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When
a high school student lacks the motivation to complete his schoolwork, we need
to look not only at him but at the reasons behind the lack of motivation.
Self-esteem issues can plague individuals with ADHD. There are many causes but there is help.
PARENT TO PARENT
CAN YOU HELP??
This month, a short and to the point question about disciplining children
Last Month: A mother is looking for ways to help her teenage son deal with anger.
Special Section: Mini EBook for Day Care Providers and Preschool Teachers on ADHD in Preschool
How are parents affected?
One mother described her life with her son with ADD/ADHD
before he was diagnosed. When
she brought him to the day care center, he would be upset, not wanting to go.
Eventually, she would be able to leave without much of a fuss, however,
most days she spent worrying each time the phone rang, wondering what her son
might have done now and what she would do if yet another day care felt they
could not keep her son. Each
afternoon she watched as other parents picked up their children, watching the
children run to them, show them their creations of art, and happily chat with
their parents about their day. Her
time, instead, was filled with tension, listening patiently to the antics of her
child, wondering what was the matter, as no other parent seemed to be called
over to the teacher each day. Her
tears would come later, once safely in her car.
The tears were for the grief she felt at not being able to enjoy the end
of day reunion with her child as other parents did.
The tears were from worry, wondering what was wrong with her child and
the frustration of having no answers. It
was a relief that the day was over and the anxiety she felt all day while not
with her child and wondering what trouble he was in ended for a few hours.
Even though the evening loomed over her head, it was a great weight
lifted not having to worry about the phone ringing with yet another problem.
But the tension and the constant reminders from school
staff and other parents continued to eat away at her. After hearing it so many times, she no longer could
confidently say that she was a good mother.
In her mind, it was her failure, not that of her child. No good mother would have a child that misbehaved so often.
The relationship between her and her child was stressed, she snapped
easier at his misbehaviors, trying to will him into compliance of the rules.
And other times she could not go on and ignored the misbehaviors, all the
time wondering what was wrong and finding no answers.
Her relationship with her husband became strained, each
blaming the other and each saying “If you would just…” But no matter what
they tried, behavior didn’t improve and the stress of living with a tornado
was hard.
Her relationships with her family and friends became
strained. She started avoiding
family gatherings and get-togethers with friends, afraid of how her child would
behave and not wanting to be embarrassed yet again.
She was tired of the stares, tired of the insinuations that she did not
discipline her child, tired of the constant being tired.
But through it all, she loved her child dearly, and would
sit for a few minutes in his room after he fell asleep.
She would watch her peaceful angel and feel her deep love for him.
It would give her the strength to make it through one more day, and would
provide her with the reassurance that he was indeed an angel in disguise, worth
fighting for and worth all of her worry, her patience and her time.
This story illustrates how parents can feel. It is not unrealistic and shows the constant torment that many parents go through each day. Having a child with ADD/ADHD is a full time job. It requires endless energy, creativity and more patience than most of us can imagine. Until recently, very little support for parents was available. The lack of understanding of ADD/ADHD can cause harsh remarks and insults to parents trying their hardest. Even now, the controversary that surrounds ADHD can cause children to go undiagnosed can cause parents to fear the label of ADHD and keep parents from seeking proper treatment.
ADDHelpline,
Inc. is an online resource center and support group for all
individuals dealing with ADD/ADHD.